Tonight I watched a movie with all the right ingredients.

Vampires – check!

Gunkata – check!

Evil men with gas masks – check!

Scifi theme – check!

Milla Jovovich’s behind – check!

Now if that is not a promising cocktail then how about I throw the director/writer of Equilibrium on top of that? Well you’ve got Ultraviolet. It’s a movie that features long moments of Mila’s behind in 16:9 although it fits perfectly well in 4:3 format. The acting is so bad it quickly becomes hilarious. However one can hardly blame the actors when the quality of the dialog entitles lines such as the title for this entry. Perhaps the worst scene is one where Jovovich’s character attempts to persuade one of the main characters to step down from a hand rail – faced with certain death naturally!. I had white knuckles from gripping my chair in a feeble attempt not to fast forward. What about the action then? A few scenes are sort of nice and a few of the concepts are nicely realised but it simply crumples to dust in the end.

In a world with fairness it would get no stars at all but I’m a softie for the few interesting concepts that do pop up, and the flawed script coupled with unintentionally hilarious acting dialog can mean only one thing. Yes, it’s a Rimmer Award!

Kurt Wimmer: Next time, get a good story with some nice concepts and don’t let the cast speak for the first hour or so. The rest of us can watch Equilibrium again or Jovovich in 16:9.

Imdb, Kurt Wimmer, Equilibrium